Too cool for school?

I graduated high school May of 2007 and I haven't been in school since then. So needless to say I've been a slacker [yet again]. The thing is, it's not that I haven't wanted to go to college, it's just been extremely difficult, frustrating, and seemingly impossible for me to accomplish the task of getting enrolled and all that. But thanks to my friend Jay (who I've recently been interacting with again) I did it! I'm registered, have my little parking sticker, and totally stoked to start classes on January 7th. All I need to worry about now is tuition and books... which still frightens me to an extent, but I have a will so there must be a way. Either that or traditional sayings are lying to me again.
So in case you're not familiar with that ruthless little critter, that's the UVU [University of Utah] mascot, the wolverine. I going to try and talk to the school in changing our mascot into Hugh Jackman, but I'm sure that would be a bit pricey for the school's budget. Anyways, I'm just super excited to start school. I've been day dreaming about taking notes, writing essays, and listening to glorious lectures. Ah... like heaven on earth. I've always enjoyed school. It seems to be my niche. I can't wait!!
And before I end this blog, I have an announcement. My sister Katie gave birth to her firstborn son, Scott, Saturday at 12:26. He's 9lbs 10 oz and 20 inches. He's the cutest little pumpkin baby ever!!! and i will post more on that and pictures as I get them on my computer :D

Thankful?

As we all know, Thanksgiving is practically on our doorstep. So I was trying to think of the things I was thankful for (family, friends, boys, school in the spring, my job)... and then I realized all my thankful things turned into dreadful things. Let me demonstrate. I checked my schedule today and it turns out we're closed on Thanksgiving, BUT we have the ominous Black Friday to concern ourselves with. How could I be thankful at such a horrid time? I'll fill myself to the brim with deliciousness and then have to work the busiest day of the year at a discount store. Where is the humanity in that?
I could honestly sit here and complain about the million and one things I'm unthankful for, but that's not really the point of the season is it? I just find it amusing that the "Holiday Season" brings a lot more stress and grief then it does happiness and joy. If you think about it, you know I'm right. Everyone freaks about their finances, out decorating the neighbors, having melt downs with family gatherings, and so on. Not to mention the illnesses, cleaning up after everything, and realizing how obnoxious the toys you bought the kids are. To me it seems like we willingly torture ourselves for about 3 months in a row just for kicks (and for the sake of tradition).
What am I thankful for? My brain.

I've been slacking.

Ok, so I think a few months ago I asked if you guys wanted to see more art and I haven't put up any since. Well, here's some for you now, and I'll try to photograph some of my other work so I can post it once a month or something like that.
Other then that I don't have a whole lot to say in this post, so sit back and enjoy I guess.

I just can't Bear it.

So, I met someone... as I mentioned before. His name is Bear, short for Barrett. Never in a million years would I have guessed that someone like me would be compatible with someone like him. But that's a whole different blog about books and their covers and all that mumbo jumbo.
Long story short we have a lot in common, get along great, my mom seems to approve so far, I like him quite a bit, and from what I can tell, he seems to like me too. So what's the problem you might ask... he's single by choice. He's still pretty hurt from his ex which I can completely understand and respect, but at the same time puts me between a rock and a hard place.
We really get along and he's openly admitted that I'm one of his best friends**** whoa, red flag ****is it just me, or does that "best friend" card get old fast? I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE having friends, I LOVE being a good friend to others, and more than anything I LOVE the concept of friends first. But I've been the recipient of this "best friend" pattern way too many times. Seems like every guy I like has to turn to me and say, "you're one of my best friends!"
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I want more than that! For crying out loud, if I treat you so well, and if I'm always there for you, and if it's more than obvious that I care about you more than anything then why not apply that to a relationship that's not JUST friends!?! ugh, what is wrong with you people!?!
Whatever, I give up. I'll just be everyone's best friend and get over it.

.... men.

So, newsflash. I'm a young women and as such a have complaints about boys. Go figure. With that warning aside, let's get venting.
I have to admit, I've had two pretty lengthy/serious crushes. Both long distance, fake, and served no purpose other than distracting myself from how alone I am. Pathetic isn't it? What can I say, I never dated in high school, I never meet people unless I meet them online or through my one local friend (who meets them online)... so naturally, I'm alone, miserable and single more than anything else. But you know, I think I'd rather have an imaginary boyfriend then go out with a bunch of losers who just want to get some. Well, you tell me, which is better. I'd love some feedback.
Anyways, my friend has introduced me to one of her friends. It's only been a couple days, but we seem to be getting along just fine. Sometimes I put a little too much hope into these sort of things, but this actually has the potential to be real, which is more than I can say about any previous "relationship" I've ever had. So, why not be happy about this? Why not be hopeful that it will turn into something solid? I've longed for something solid my entire life. My biggest want and need is to be loved (and I mean more than family and friends).
Well, it's settled then. I will pursue this and see where it goes. I'm 19 for crying out loud, I need some sort of experience!!!
Ok, I'm done venting now :P

Death is Surprisingly Complicated

Death seems to be a reoccurring theme lately in my conversations and observations. It sort of started when I started watching a TV series called "dead like me" (which is really good and I highly recommend). Although the show is more of a comedy than anything else, it deals a lot with death... obviously. It shows people mourning the loss of loved ones, people who have died asking "why me?" and other related emotions. It just really makes you realize that death is a part of life. Everyone dies.
I myself have experienced loss; 4 grandparents, an uncle, a cousin, close neighbors and family friends (not to mention the many pets). Over the years and throughout these tragedies I've discovered that everyone mourns in their own way. Some people cry, others laugh at good memories, and some try their best not to react at all. I know that when I learned someone close to me had passed away I was shocked, then sad, then relieved. It may sound a little barbaric but in some circumstances death can be welcomed. For example my uncle was an extremely unhealthy man. His body was just not able to function and it's a miracle that he was able to live as long as he did and that he was able to have a wife and son. I was there when he passed away. I know I shed a tear or two, but overall I was glad that he was moving on to a better place.
Although I have experienced loss, I have no idea how hard it would be to lose a best friend, a brother, a sister, or a child. Unfortunately my friend has lost his best friend and his brother and knows exactly the pain that comes with it. A few days ago would have been his brother's birthday. He takes the loss pretty well but his poor mother is having a very hard time with it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to bury one of your own.
For the majority of my life I thought death was pretty simple. You die. The end. But I was wrong. There's so much that still remains after you die. All the people who knew and loved you. All the memories that you're in. I know we feel like it at times, but no one in this world is alone. There is always someone who knows you, cares for you, and will remember you long after you're gone. I've rambled quite enough by now but I just want to say that death really is just a part of life. It's ok to mourn in any way you feel comfortable with. I think the important thing is that we remember those we loved; and don't wait until they're gone to let them know you care about them.

Get Movin'

I have decided, yet again, that I am going to get into shape... only difference this time is I'm actually sticking with it. But let's go into some details. On Tuesday the 15th I joined Weight Watchers again. I've done it before and successfully lost 32 pounds, so I knew that it worked for me. But on top of that, I started running with my brother and my cousin a few days before I even joined WW. So, now I'm eating better, running about 3-5 times a week and I've been doing this now for about 2 weeks. I am so proud of myself! I've already lost 3.5 pounds! Just picture 14 sticks of butter... yeah, that's how much I've lost thus far.
So, why am I telling you this? Um... I'm not entirely sure, but if I'm capable of inspiring someone to get up and get movin' then I would be quite pleased. And if not, then I can at least take this time to brag that I'm losing weight and getting into shape and improving my health.

Be Positive

I realize it's been a very very long time since my last post, but so many things have happened. And to be perfectly honest, I haven't been in the best of moods lately. Trying to go to school, working a crappy paying part-time job, and dealing with boys can be a very frustrating thing. One day I was very overwhelmed with all these different things and my friend Mark called me up. While we were talking, I just broke down into tears. He was kind of fed up with my negative attitude and the fact that I was crying and he just told me to quit it. He said that it just didn't suit me and that I needed to stop focusing on the negative and look on the bright side of things.
He was completely right. Being negative and depressed does not go well with my otherwise bright and bubbly attitude. Not to mention, being negative gets you nowhere. I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that my friend Mark is super-cool. He told me, "If you think you can do something, and I mean ANYTHING, you're right... you can. But if you think you can't, you're right... you can't."
Since then I have been trying my best to see the positive side of things, and let me tell you, it makes a world of difference. I've been a lot more productive with the various things that I have to do. And I've been a lot more like myself. So, to conclude my long, rambly-blog, let's all try our best to stay positive :)

I need some feedback

Ok, so today I want to talk about talent, your opinions, and my page. First off todays blog comes with a picture. Yay, I know.. it's almost overwhelming. The excitement is just too much to bare. Now then, I drew this picture. Some people say that's talent... but at the same time I know like 10 people that can put that to shame without even trying. So, I've decided that talent is just one of those unmeasurable things. I don't think people can be "better" than others. they just have a different style or what have you; and people in masses generally like one style over another. So it makes it seem like those who present that popular style are more "talented." Now then, I'm quite aware that this doesn't make any sense, but truth be told I wanted to write a blog and this crap is just oozin out.
Anyways, as far as my other two topics. I want to know... what do you think of my picture... AND do you want to see other stuff I've done? Let me know (Katie). I think you're the only one who looks at this... and since that's most likely true.... Hi Kutan Baug!!

Mid-year resolutions!

Ok, so I've never been one to make and actually KEEP New year's resolutions, however there is hope yet. Turns out that it doesn't have to be January 1st in order to decide to make a lifestyle change. *GASP* I know, this news is shocking, but just relax, everything will be fine. So, assuming you were interested enough to read this, then you're most likely wondering "but WHAT is her resolution?" I shall tell you. I have decided to change a couple things actually.
First of all, I want to be more outgoing. It's true... I was never a social butterfly. But circumstances have forced me to change my ways. This first change actually inspired another one. My friend Brittney and I have both decided to become more active in our church's activities. So that means we get to socialize not only with people... but with cute little Mormon boys in our ward. (oh, by the way, I'm Mormon... SURPRISE!) Now in theory, these first two things should help with the 3rd goal, which is to date more often. It's sad to admit this but I've gone on a total of 9 dates in my life time. And they were all within the last 5 months.
Anyways, I think I've exposed myself enough for one blog, till next time.

Let's Face Facts

I'm not one to beat around the bush, so allow me to guide you right to the bottom line. I'm an 18 year old (19 in June... YAY!) California girl stuck in rural Utah. I have a crappy job that doesn't pay well, don't go to school (yet), and have a serious lack of social life. Not gonna lie, I'm way nerdy, I drive too fast, and yeah... I have the potential to grow up to be the crazy cat lady. Having said that, I don't think there's anything else I could say or do that would dwindle your view of me. So there you have it.