Thankful?

As we all know, Thanksgiving is practically on our doorstep. So I was trying to think of the things I was thankful for (family, friends, boys, school in the spring, my job)... and then I realized all my thankful things turned into dreadful things. Let me demonstrate. I checked my schedule today and it turns out we're closed on Thanksgiving, BUT we have the ominous Black Friday to concern ourselves with. How could I be thankful at such a horrid time? I'll fill myself to the brim with deliciousness and then have to work the busiest day of the year at a discount store. Where is the humanity in that?
I could honestly sit here and complain about the million and one things I'm unthankful for, but that's not really the point of the season is it? I just find it amusing that the "Holiday Season" brings a lot more stress and grief then it does happiness and joy. If you think about it, you know I'm right. Everyone freaks about their finances, out decorating the neighbors, having melt downs with family gatherings, and so on. Not to mention the illnesses, cleaning up after everything, and realizing how obnoxious the toys you bought the kids are. To me it seems like we willingly torture ourselves for about 3 months in a row just for kicks (and for the sake of tradition).
What am I thankful for? My brain.

I've been slacking.

Ok, so I think a few months ago I asked if you guys wanted to see more art and I haven't put up any since. Well, here's some for you now, and I'll try to photograph some of my other work so I can post it once a month or something like that.
Other then that I don't have a whole lot to say in this post, so sit back and enjoy I guess.

I just can't Bear it.

So, I met someone... as I mentioned before. His name is Bear, short for Barrett. Never in a million years would I have guessed that someone like me would be compatible with someone like him. But that's a whole different blog about books and their covers and all that mumbo jumbo.
Long story short we have a lot in common, get along great, my mom seems to approve so far, I like him quite a bit, and from what I can tell, he seems to like me too. So what's the problem you might ask... he's single by choice. He's still pretty hurt from his ex which I can completely understand and respect, but at the same time puts me between a rock and a hard place.
We really get along and he's openly admitted that I'm one of his best friends**** whoa, red flag ****is it just me, or does that "best friend" card get old fast? I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE having friends, I LOVE being a good friend to others, and more than anything I LOVE the concept of friends first. But I've been the recipient of this "best friend" pattern way too many times. Seems like every guy I like has to turn to me and say, "you're one of my best friends!"
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I want more than that! For crying out loud, if I treat you so well, and if I'm always there for you, and if it's more than obvious that I care about you more than anything then why not apply that to a relationship that's not JUST friends!?! ugh, what is wrong with you people!?!
Whatever, I give up. I'll just be everyone's best friend and get over it.

.... men.

So, newsflash. I'm a young women and as such a have complaints about boys. Go figure. With that warning aside, let's get venting.
I have to admit, I've had two pretty lengthy/serious crushes. Both long distance, fake, and served no purpose other than distracting myself from how alone I am. Pathetic isn't it? What can I say, I never dated in high school, I never meet people unless I meet them online or through my one local friend (who meets them online)... so naturally, I'm alone, miserable and single more than anything else. But you know, I think I'd rather have an imaginary boyfriend then go out with a bunch of losers who just want to get some. Well, you tell me, which is better. I'd love some feedback.
Anyways, my friend has introduced me to one of her friends. It's only been a couple days, but we seem to be getting along just fine. Sometimes I put a little too much hope into these sort of things, but this actually has the potential to be real, which is more than I can say about any previous "relationship" I've ever had. So, why not be happy about this? Why not be hopeful that it will turn into something solid? I've longed for something solid my entire life. My biggest want and need is to be loved (and I mean more than family and friends).
Well, it's settled then. I will pursue this and see where it goes. I'm 19 for crying out loud, I need some sort of experience!!!
Ok, I'm done venting now :P

Death is Surprisingly Complicated

Death seems to be a reoccurring theme lately in my conversations and observations. It sort of started when I started watching a TV series called "dead like me" (which is really good and I highly recommend). Although the show is more of a comedy than anything else, it deals a lot with death... obviously. It shows people mourning the loss of loved ones, people who have died asking "why me?" and other related emotions. It just really makes you realize that death is a part of life. Everyone dies.
I myself have experienced loss; 4 grandparents, an uncle, a cousin, close neighbors and family friends (not to mention the many pets). Over the years and throughout these tragedies I've discovered that everyone mourns in their own way. Some people cry, others laugh at good memories, and some try their best not to react at all. I know that when I learned someone close to me had passed away I was shocked, then sad, then relieved. It may sound a little barbaric but in some circumstances death can be welcomed. For example my uncle was an extremely unhealthy man. His body was just not able to function and it's a miracle that he was able to live as long as he did and that he was able to have a wife and son. I was there when he passed away. I know I shed a tear or two, but overall I was glad that he was moving on to a better place.
Although I have experienced loss, I have no idea how hard it would be to lose a best friend, a brother, a sister, or a child. Unfortunately my friend has lost his best friend and his brother and knows exactly the pain that comes with it. A few days ago would have been his brother's birthday. He takes the loss pretty well but his poor mother is having a very hard time with it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to bury one of your own.
For the majority of my life I thought death was pretty simple. You die. The end. But I was wrong. There's so much that still remains after you die. All the people who knew and loved you. All the memories that you're in. I know we feel like it at times, but no one in this world is alone. There is always someone who knows you, cares for you, and will remember you long after you're gone. I've rambled quite enough by now but I just want to say that death really is just a part of life. It's ok to mourn in any way you feel comfortable with. I think the important thing is that we remember those we loved; and don't wait until they're gone to let them know you care about them.

Get Movin'

I have decided, yet again, that I am going to get into shape... only difference this time is I'm actually sticking with it. But let's go into some details. On Tuesday the 15th I joined Weight Watchers again. I've done it before and successfully lost 32 pounds, so I knew that it worked for me. But on top of that, I started running with my brother and my cousin a few days before I even joined WW. So, now I'm eating better, running about 3-5 times a week and I've been doing this now for about 2 weeks. I am so proud of myself! I've already lost 3.5 pounds! Just picture 14 sticks of butter... yeah, that's how much I've lost thus far.
So, why am I telling you this? Um... I'm not entirely sure, but if I'm capable of inspiring someone to get up and get movin' then I would be quite pleased. And if not, then I can at least take this time to brag that I'm losing weight and getting into shape and improving my health.

Be Positive

I realize it's been a very very long time since my last post, but so many things have happened. And to be perfectly honest, I haven't been in the best of moods lately. Trying to go to school, working a crappy paying part-time job, and dealing with boys can be a very frustrating thing. One day I was very overwhelmed with all these different things and my friend Mark called me up. While we were talking, I just broke down into tears. He was kind of fed up with my negative attitude and the fact that I was crying and he just told me to quit it. He said that it just didn't suit me and that I needed to stop focusing on the negative and look on the bright side of things.
He was completely right. Being negative and depressed does not go well with my otherwise bright and bubbly attitude. Not to mention, being negative gets you nowhere. I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that my friend Mark is super-cool. He told me, "If you think you can do something, and I mean ANYTHING, you're right... you can. But if you think you can't, you're right... you can't."
Since then I have been trying my best to see the positive side of things, and let me tell you, it makes a world of difference. I've been a lot more productive with the various things that I have to do. And I've been a lot more like myself. So, to conclude my long, rambly-blog, let's all try our best to stay positive :)